Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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