i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
