my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You can't special order awesome
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
