sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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