This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
