Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
