i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
