How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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