what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
