He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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