I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
