He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i came on her dog
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
