Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
