He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
