We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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