How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
