Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
