Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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