I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My hand turned me down
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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