New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
