i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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