would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
