yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
