Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
