another moral hangover. fuck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
