Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
