i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
