fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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