Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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