I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
