I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
