it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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