I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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