please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
