some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
