I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
