Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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