how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
