i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
