Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
