I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love you.
Bad choice
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
