Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
