Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
