Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
