Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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