i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
