I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
