I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
