you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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