Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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