I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
