I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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